Day XXIX: Ribadiso -> Pedrouzo; 14.8mi.

🛏:

Albergue REM, 10€.

🍴:&

I began today with chocolate and churros for breakfast and ended it with tacos, sangria / margaritas / mimosas and the most delicious chocolate cake.

My friend and I got a tiny bit turned around looking for our albergue when we arrived in town this afternoon, but that only gave us a chance to stumble upon a “tacos & 1€ sangria” sign. We texted people, they whatsapped people, those people told the people they were with and suddenly we had the liveliest little group gathered for five hours. We reminisced, we laughed, we ordered more tacos, we ordered more sangria and then we repeated all of those things.

At one point in the evening we were all talking about our favorite parts of this trip. My Norwegian friend voiced that one of the best parts for him was “walking from winter into spring,” I smiled in literal and figurative agreement. “Everything is right,” he said.

We’ll be in Santiago tomorrow.

The trail to Santiago has been marked with yellow arrows and a variety of additional signs and indicators since day one. They’re everywhere and difficult (though not impossible, we’ve learned) to miss. Over the past few days, the signs began displaying the amount of kilometers we had left so we could begin our physical and emotional countdown. Mentally, I categorize these arrows and countdowns with memories of cold winter nights from years ago. My sister and I would climb into our pre-automatic-doors minivan with pink noses and chattering teeth and we’d immediately ask my dad when we would be warm again. Every time he’d tell us by the time we passed McDonalds and every time we passed McDonalds we had already forgotten how miserable we’d been two minutes earlier.

Real life certainly isn’t road maps and bright yellow arrows telling you which way to go when you get turned around or signs with the exact amount of whatever-units left before you’ll achieve what you aspire to. It isn’t someone wiser, and worthy of all of your trust, putting a guaranteed end date on your misery. I’ve spent a lot of time these days wishing life was all of those things, but instead it’s felt more like someone blindfolded me and spun me around and everyone nearby either ran away or stayed and watched in judgement as I fumbled around, telling me to go in certain, often conflicting, directions. I think they forgot I wasn’t seeing everything the way I used to.

“I’m trying to figure out the right way to go,” I’ve wanted to scream, “but it’s really really hard when there are a million voices and I don’t know where I am or how I got here. Also I want to throw up because I was just spun around in a bunch of tiny circles.”

And then I would probably collapse and sob and say “I’m sorry I screamed, I’m just really tired of trying to please everyone and I’m really really lost and I have been for a lot longer than I ever let on. But I do apologize for the surprise, I’m aware I hid it really well.”

It’s been hard when everything I thought I believed my entire life crumbled. Patching things back together with no workable framework and a faulty foundation proved futile, but I just navigated my way across an entire country inherently reconstructing things, so that’s a step (or 1,115,804 according to Garmin) in the right direction. It gives me more confidence about returning home and for the first time in a long time I actually believe everything else will fall into place. I’ve loved this journey but I’m ready to be home. (And I don’t ever discount the incredible support system I have there. There’s a lot of people I’m excited to hug).

“Please be patient with me, I’m building from the ground up. But the final product will be authentic and real and worth it.”

🎧:“You go through life so sure of where you’re heading and you wind up lost and it’s the best thing that could’ve happened. Because sometimes when you lose your way it’s really just as well because you find yourself.” (Brad Paisley)